Do you get sucked in to the commercialism of Valentines day? Do you wish to wake up to a room dusted in rose petals and coffee sitting on your bedside table? Or maybe a diamond ring hidden in your cheesecake at dinner? Too much?? Okay, let’s go on the simple side. How about a spontaneous picnic lunch on the beach with flavors from your favorite charcuterie board?
I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 19 amazing years. We have been friends and soul mates since we were 17. He is the ying to my yang and is an incredibly kind and generous man who gets me. What you don’t know is, that he is terrible at Valentine’s day and I am a hopeless romantic. We’ve been married almost 20 years and I can count on one hand the times he has bought me a Valentine gift or sent me flowers. One time he did send me a dozen roses from Canada to my desk at work. I was on the moon for days. Yet another year he bought me a Reese’s Peanut buttercup from the store after grabbing items for dinner. Not the most romantic day of my life. I have written him gushy cards and once made him pink mashed potatoes for dinner. I do not recommend this since it looked like I cut my finger in the process of making said potatoes. Somehow we managed to eat them. I love spontaneous and loud romantic gestures.
There is something about this holiday that brings out the romantic side of people or the forlorn lover. For those who are single, it’s a glaring reminder that you may feel alone this holiday. For you who are widowed it’s a daunting reminder that your life partner is gone and no one will bring you a bouquet after work on Valentine’s day. Maybe this day ignites creativity in you because you thrive on creating that perfect romantic experience but your significant other doesn’t like you to spend money on them. Or it is the day that allows you the courage to tell that certain someone you have feelings for them in hopes they reciprocate them. It seems to be one of those days that seems to make people feel a little topsy turvy.
I will admit, as this day grows close I have had a few fantasies about what it could entail but then I realize it will be just another Thursday. My husband and I will have a rehearsal, our kids will have homework and we will need to figure out what to do for dinner. Plus, I remember that my husband becomes paralyzed with fear when he doesn’t know what to do for a gift idea and then does nothing…I know, I know, I sound like such a whiner. But then it struck me as I was getting ready for work this morning. I started to think about all the things my husband does for me on the 364 non-Valentine’s days. The ways he loves me with his actions and not empty words or cards. The way he looks at me when I walk into a room. Or the text messages throughout my day when life has been too busy to have a real conversation. There’s so many things I could list but here is a short list for you.
- He has gone to work EVERY day since the day we said “I do.” (Together we sacrificed for me to stay at home with our kids for 14 years. He got up many mornings while I was still snoozing and could drink coffee at my leisure while snuggled up with our littles.)
- He cooks dinner EVERY single weekday. (Ever since we decided it was time for me to head to the work place he has cooked and I have cleaned)
- He does the dishes when I’m just too tired
- He helps with the kids’ homework
- He reminds me to chill when the kids start to make me lose my mind
- He fixes ALL my computer problems and listens to me freak out when I think I deleted something.
- He has taken on a 2nd job with me so I could pursue my dream as a worship leader
- He has been “dad-ager” to our modeling daughter
- He’s My life-coach
- My cheerleader
- My shoulder to cry on
- My sounding board
I realized today that none of those things could be bottled up and sold to me. They are priceless because they are done when no one is looking and with no intention for reciprocation. Just because he loves me.
What are we actually doing for Valentines day?
Well, technically nothing out of the ordinary. On Friday we will get time to look lovingly into each other’s eyes at dinner before we head to a local play. Thankfully our kids are old enough to stay home and fend for themselves while we take some time to reconnect. We may or may not have a Valentine card for each other, and honestly, neither one of us wants to blow $5 on a card. I would so much rather enjoy a latte together. I am so grateful for this man I get to call mine but I am sad on this day when I think of my mom who won’t receive flowers from the most romantic man I knew. I think of my friend who has been single for over 40 years and thinks that they may never find someone. I am sad for another friend who is recently divorced and will grieve this day of a love that was lost. It is a day that causes great joy when someone gets engaged or when a new life comes into the world. Yet, doesn’t that hold true for all the days of the year?
My husband may not show his love in ways that are fantastical for my taste but I will rest in the knowledge that every day of the year he loves me in his own way and we show up for each other. We love each other, we champion each other and we give each other grace. Maybe someday he’ll surprise me with a trip to Belize or diamond earrings but until then I am so grateful for the life we are creating; a life together full of love and grace. And no holiday will remind us better then the daily grind we endure together.
life on the back burner 