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~ Writing with authenticity the moments in life that inspire me and push me to be a better human and follower of Jesus.

life on the back burner

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Running

16 Sunday Jun 2024

Posted by Kelly Miller in Authentic Living

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5k, 5k, brenebrown, community, encouragement, exercise, half-marathon, health, lifeadvice, marathon, marathon-training, positivity, running, sprint-triathlon, training

In my head, I am a runner, in real life, not so much. I ran track in high school and enjoyed being the only mid-distance girl in a small high school. I was drug around the Coachella desert by the boys and I thoroughly enjoyed being able to keep up with them. This allowed me to briefly hold a record in the women’s 800-meter race and qualify for CIF. But if I wasn’t running with a group of people, it was torture. 

Over the years I’ll get the running bug and can run 4 miles without stopping. I once ran a sprint marathon with my 2-time, Marathon running sister. The race consisted of a ½ mile swim, a 24-mile bike ride, and a 7k (just over 4 miles). My sister noticed I was struggling the last half mile and joined me to the end. It is a special memory from over 10 years ago. 

As the years have passed, I have worked out somewhat consistently with Pilates, walking, and some weight training. Then one day, I’ll get inspired to run. I’ll start with a song, and then maybe I’ll run the 2nd mile of my walk and after a few weeks, I’m running the full 3 miles. Then, life happens; I get sick or off my schedule and exercise goes to the wayside for a stint and I start all over. 45 years on this earth and this might just be my rhythm. 

Then, life happens, I get sick or off my schedule and exercise goes to the wayside for a stint and I start all over

Last week though, I experienced a life analogy that I have been turning over in my brain ever since. I was at a conference in Santa Barbara at a campus up in the hills of Montecito, near Oprah’s famous estate and where Harry and Megan have been rumored to settle in the States. It’s a gorgeous and lush landscape with hills and trees making one feel like they are in a secluded campground. The coolest part is at certain locations, one can see the beaches of Santa Barbara. 

On the last day of the conference, they held a 5k. I had not run 3 miles consecutively in over a year. Up until the morning of the run, a few of my colleagues said they would walk/run it with me. I was pumped to chat with the gals and see the scenery. As we gathered around for the start, all 3 of them decided they were going to run the entire thing. I was deflected at first because we had said we would “walk/run”.

A few moments before the start, my dear friend Tracy, whom I had met during my high school era, happened to walk up to the start line just as I was feeling frustrated. We had discovered each other’s existence at the conference on the first day and had been able to meet up and catch up with each other the day before. Her presence was greatly welcomed. She and I briefly hugged and talked about our approach to the race and I was so relieved to hear she was planning to walk/run it. I had a buddy!

We took off on, what is called, the Westmonster; 3 miles of up and down hills, with the last mile ascending a 14% grade that makes your calves cry out in pain. We started off strong, deciding to run as much as we could before walking. Each time there was a hill, we assessed if it was worth it or not. The first mile and a ½ we ran without stopping, taking advantage of the downhills as we gained speed taking us through the straightaways. We chatted a bit and there were even a few moments when Tracy wanted to walk and I coached her saying, “Let’s get to the white tent then walk.” I thought, “Who am I?” Suddenly I was the coaching and encouraging type. 

Suddenly I was the coaching and encouraging type. 

When we entered the 3rd mile, it began with the beast hill. We dug in and kept pushing while our calves and quads begged us to stop. We walked the hill but didn’t let up our pace. The best part was the downhill slope that followed propelling us into the last ½ mile. When we reached 2 ⅕ miles we were shocked at how fast it was going. We had decided in the beginning that if we walked the entire thing, the longest it would take us was an hour and if we finished around 45 minutes we would be pleased with ourselves. At the 2 ½ mile mark, we realized that time was flying and we were actually going to finish!! If you have run a marathon I beg you not to laugh at our excitement of completing 3 miles. To each his own, right??

The last stretch was around the track. Tracy turned on a fun tune and we ran together to the finish. I felt a surge of energy and sprinted the last 100 meters with my running colleagues cheering Tracy and me on to the finish. Our time, was 40 minutes and 38 seconds! We felt pretty badass. We hugged and took selfies before heading back to our cabins to get dressed and packed up for the trek home. I was on a serious high. One, I got to run with someone who had been around to cheer me on during those years in track, and two, we had finished better than we anticipated. The endorphins were pumping really good. 

The endorphins were pumping really good

The next day, I was still on a running high and thought, “I’m a runner now!” I got off work that afternoon, laced up my sneakers, and decided to run two miles without stopping. I live in a relatively flat neighborhood and the temperature was a balmy 75 degrees with a slight breeze. The conditions seemed perfect. I started jogging away from my house into the neighborhood and about 2 songs in, I realized this was going to be a long 2 miles; my legs felt like lead and my joints were not enjoying it at all. 

I completed the first mile and had to walk. Just for a song, as soon as the song ended, I picked up the pace again. I was so confused as to why this was so hard. It was two miles on completely flat terrain, it should be easy! Why was it not easy? Suddenly I had a clear correlation to life.

Yesterday, I was surrounded by community. Not only my friend Tracy, literally next to me, but the energy of others cheering us on from the sidelines, ringing their cowbells while handing out water bottles and telling us what we had left to finish. Each hill, with its challenge, always had a downhill to pick up speed and momentum that always got us through the straightaways. There was also something about having my friend with me who needed extra encouragement, suddenly I was the cheerleader and helping her push through the pain. But on my flat two-mile run, it was just me and a boring terrain. 

Isn’t that similar to life? We want the “easy” path, the path of least resistance, but we don’t realize that it can be just as hard and less fulfilling. After mulling this around for a few days, I have landed on three things that I think we need in life to keep us going;

  1. Mentors and community
  2. Ups and Downs
  3. A Good Playlist

We want the “easy” path, the path of least resistance

Mentors and Community

We need people in life who will cheer us on but also call us out. I have a sweet friend who I talk to every day and we share our health journeys, motherhood woes, and wins with an occasional rant about our husbands dropping the ball. She calls me out when I am whining, being lazy, or just not putting my best foot forward in life. I have a group of girlfriends who meet on Sunday to watch Andy Stanley’s sermons and share a meal to replace Church for the moment. I was recently fired from a church position and Sunday has been a hard day for me. These ladies have come alongside me and I have come alongside them in a season of transition for each of us. From my family to my colleagues, I can look around 360 degrees and find a community that supports a side of me. 

Ups and Downs

I am a whiner. When life gets “hard” I complain. Loudly. My dear husband of 25 years is always keen to listen and I adore him for that. As I was running my flat 2 miles last week, the hardest part was the dullness of the terrain. It was just straight and hard. In life, we tend to complain when there are down moments or hard moments but without those, we would never recognize the up moments. Brene Brown says, in the Gifts of Imperfection, “When we lose our tolerance for discomfort, we lose joy.”  When running, if there was no hill to conquer, there would be no downhill glide. Yes, there are times when the uphills feel long and never-ending, but that’s where community comes in. Cheering you on from the sidelines; handing you that water bottle or a mentor along the way letting you know what’s around the corner. We can feel the ups so much more vibrantly when we experience the downs.

It makes me think about when I recently lost my ministry position, the entire worship team hosted a lovely lunch and spent an hour affirming me and my family. They even gifted us a night out at our favorite restaurant. It was a tragic thing to be fired but what came out of it was an opportunity to be celebrated. Moments like this can’t happen if you keep the sting of pain at bay.

A Good Playlist

Don’t underestimate the power of a good playlist. When I was a kid my dad would say, “Garbage in, garbage out.” I grew up where we only listened to positive media and faith-based music. I would roll my eyes and at times sneak in a station or artist that was taboo. But as a grown woman, and a mother of three adult children, I have to confess that it holds true. Positive things going into your body, mind, and soul will bear like fruit. I try not to watch scary movies, listen to negative media, and when it comes to music, find genres and artists that are uplifting. I have seen time and again when people are not very positive it is often because they ingest negative media or don’t take care of their bodies. It is all interconnected. 

So before I even began my 2-mile trek, my problems began because I didn’t set up a playlist prior to heading out. I picked some random “pop playlist” that boasted techno and rap music. My two least favorite genres. One song after another was the most obnoxious lyrics, mainly singing about “her booty,” which led me to keep messing with it. It was slowing me down and frustrating me. When I run with a curated playlist or songs I know and love, the time goes faster. I look forward to the next song and the pavement doesn’t feel like death below my feet. That goes for housecleaning, road trips, homework, or any other task that feels boring or daunting. 

As I write this blog entry, I am sitting in front of the Caribbean Ocean in Cancun, Mexico. We are here celebrating our 25th anniversary. We’ve had a lot of downs this year but this moment is an up. I have worked out 3 times today because there was a group class in the pool and a gym onsite that I couldn’t pass up. These people might think I’m an exercise junky, even though at home, I am far from it. It was my sister who heard about the soft opening, allowing us to experience a 5-star resort in Cancun at half price. All 3 things coming together; Community, Ups and Downs, and yes, even a Good Playlist allowed us to enjoy this moment. Moments like this can give us the ability to sustain this life we live. 

Whether you run or walk this path of life, I hope you will find these simple things helpful to be mindful of. Oh, and I’m looking for a running buddy.

I would love to hear what you would add to this list. Feel free to comment below. 

Nashville Part 4: Homecoming

06 Wednesday Jul 2022

Posted by Kelly Miller in Authentic Living

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Tags

authentic living, community, faith, family, JESUS, vulnerability

This is the conclusion of my 4-part post. I am grateful to those of you who tracked this story from day one.

My return home continued with a bit more travel drama with flights delayed and in turn, had me flying to Detroit where I spent 8 hours in the Detroit airport before flying directly to San Diego. The time in the airport allowed me to begin writing this blog and flush out my thoughts on the adventures I recently experienced. That Sunday night I arrived home just in time for my sweet family to whisk me off to our favorite pizza joint, “Pizza Port,” for dinner and let me share all the detail of the last 24 hours. 

These two were all ears!
The man who says “yes” to my crazy

In the immediate hours following this experience, the hardest part was sitting in the reality that not everyone responded emphatically. Upon returning home I had the opportunity to explain in more detail to my friends but only one sent me money. I was surprised at how even my closest friends or colleagues weren’t affected and seemed to only take it as a good story. I was so grateful to my sisters and mother-in-law who helped me recoup the remaining amount of what I had committed to cover but it saddened me how many people said they couldn’t help. Not $10 or $5. Nothing. Some never even replied. There were a few valid reasons not to reply, for example, a colleague was getting married that afternoon which I kind of forgot about. However, it was surprising to me that more said, “no” than “yes.”

I posed this dilemma to Pastor Rich Villodas from New Life Church in Queens during a book-launch Zoom and he responded with the sobering reminder that as a pastor he deals with it all the time. People do not give or volunteer or see the needs of their church and their community on a regular basis. It was a reality check that people are not always going to be where I am in my faith journey of seeking Jesus and each journey looks different for each of us. As I continue to mull over all that transpired; from the moment I decided to book my trip to Nashville to the moment I returned home,

I thought about the fact that if I had flown home Saturday afternoon I would not have encountered Kevin in Nashville.

I would not have seen what Jesus could do when I really seek what he is after; loving people even when it feels uncomfortable and seeing God provide even when I may not have asked him to. 

A few days after arriving back in San Diego and getting into the rhythm of life my husband asked me to stop at our local grocery store and immediately the face of the homeless man I saw weekly came to mind. I wondered if I would see him and if I did, should I approach him. When I walked up to the storefront I was happy to see that he was there sitting on the stoop in the shade.

I walked up to him and said, “Hi, what’s your name?” He replied, “Dwight.”

I promptly sat down and began to chat a bit about where he was from he asked me what I was cooking for dinner that night and while I was talking a kind lady handed Dwight $8 in cash. I asked if I could get him something to eat when I went shopping and he was honest and said he needed cash for a place to stay. I told him I would see what I could do and at that moment my daughter walked up after introducing her to Dwight, she and I went into the store to grab what we needed for the evening meal. Upon checking out I got $10 cash back and gave it to Dwight on my way out. I shared with my daughter that I cannot do that every time, I know, but I believe I have to when I can, and today I could. 

Since my trip to Nashville, I have been in contact with Kevin. The money that I gave him got him through to almost the last week of June when his weekly rental was shut down by police due to too much illegal activity. That same day he suffered another heat stroke which put him in the ER. The nurses there encouraged him to fill out his social security information to begin receiving his social security check. He was elated to discover that at his age he could receive 70% on a weekly basis and 100% when he turns 72. This income would allow him to work indoors with a part-time job and not work a laborious job at the age of 66. I was able to get Kevin a modest hotel room that night and after a good night’s rest, he informed me he was off to see a pastor in the city who would help him fill out paperwork to receive Social Security and find a place to stay. As of today, he is living in a, “cool, cool, cool air-conditioned trailer,” and is opening a bank account so he can get his check faster rather than having it delivered to a local church.

If you’re like me you can feel jaded by all of the scams in this world or people who take advantage of kindness. For me, I asked Jesus to help me see people and he came through. Not only the homeless man or woman on the corner but my co-worker who sometimes causes me angst yet still needs my kindness or current needs in my community in a way that only Jesus can reveal. This is where I am at today and for some of us, time is easy to give, and for some money is easy to give.

My heart has been tugged and opened in a new way and I cannot go back. I will continue to seek who Jesus is and not only answer the question, “What can I do for you?” but ask the same of those around me and I encourage you to do the same.

If this story has tugged at your heart, I humbly ask you to help Kevin continue to turn his life around and build up some savings. You can send a gift through Venmo @Kelly-RossMiller and I will get it to Kevin. I thank you greatly in advance.

I believe GB&K helped shape my thinking recently so I have to give a shout-out. If you wish to check it out it will be released on July 12th wherever you buy books.
All gifts will go to Kevin.

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