ISIS, It’s everywhere, yet so far away. So removed from my everyday, yet every time I see a glimpse of the news or think of friends who are so bravely moving to the Middle East to be an aid to those engulfed in all of the pain and anguish, it begins to feel close. Yesterday 21 Christians were killed because of their faith. Their faith, MY faith.

This month I have been consumed with many things that have been seriously stressing me out. Our eldest is heading into high school and we found out that we are not in the boundary of the school we want. My husband’s company has had to drop our insurance for a year or two starting at the end of this month. So I’ve been spending my days worrying and planning for the worst, visiting as many doctors and dentists as I can fit in over these 4 weeks. I wake up in the middle of the night wondering if we can afford insurance on our own or will we have to move in order for Klarissa to get into our choice high school? Should we short sale our house so we can rent in our choice neighborhood?

Then I read that 21 men are beheaded for their faith. I felt my vision narrow in, like when you look through a telescope and all you can see is what’s directly in front of you, not to the left or the right. My first thought was, would I die for my faith? Would I die for the Jesus I say I believe in? Do my children, husband, friends, family know I love Jesus that much?  Would they say, “Yes, she would give her life for her faith, I know it.” I believe that my own personal daily dramas are important to my Heavenly Father. I don’t think for one second He would say I was being silly worrying about things that are important to me and are right in front of me, but Jesus also tells us to not worry about tomorrow. I don’t have a theological back ground to break things down for you. I just know that sitting here in my living room listening to Mike and Molly in the background after tucking my kids in bed, my heart hurt that these men were killed. My heart felt so heavy when I honestly wavered if I would be able to hold my head high with conviction and confess my faith to horrible men ready to take my life. All I know is I am going to seek that answer. I am going to ask God to give me the ability to stand up for him and I want everyone who knows me and who reads this to know that ISIS, or no ISIS, I believe in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I will do everything in my power to show those around me the love, mercy and grace I have been given through the cross.

I started this blog to journey with others towards authenticity, but I never imagined less than a week later my first real topic would be letting you into my deepest thoughts and sharing one of my biggest fear. I believe the petty drama in my life will be resolved, because my God is bigger than all of that. I hope that if you know me or meet me, the love of Jesus shines through me.