The Social Playground

22 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Kelly Miller in Authentic Living, Family and parenting

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30daysofreal, authenticity, blog, blogger, blogs, dad, death, facebook, family, instagram, life, magazine, minister, nazarene denomination, relevanmagazine, relevant, snapchat, social media

Recently I read a blog called 6 Ways You Are Making Life Harder Than It Has To Be in the online magazine, Relevant. It had some great points on how to let go of unnecessary emotional baggage and to change our mindset to be more productive. There are a great many blogs out there on this topic. What I noticed about this particular blog was the way in which it spoke about Social Media. The author said we are making life harder by being on social media way too much; which I know is no surprise nor a point to disagree with. He then went on to say, ” People used to go to their 10-year reunion and have to make it appear for one night that their life was amazing beyond belief. Now we’re trying to pull that appearance off every second of every day. It is an impossible crazy-making endeavor.”

I completely agree that social media can be addicting or a “life sucker”. It can even be a space where people bully each other or flat out lie about themselves. I myself am a facebook addict and I am not necessarily ashamed of it. Let me explain to you a few reasons why I disagree with the above quote. I have lived 80% of my life without social media. So I know what life was like before Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and all the likes that came into play. No, I was never on MySpace, sorry. I am also a very social person. One of my Strengths according to the Gallup Strengths Finder Test is Woo. It actually says, “People strong in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.” I personally don’t take it quite that far, but let me just say that Facebook, Instagram and SnapChat are my playgrounds. I love staying connected to people from all aspects of my life and making new friends along the way.

When you take Facebook at face value and focus on the part about showing up to your 10-year reunion has become our everyday practice, I get it. It poses a problem. Let me share with you another side of the coin. Since Facebook came into existence I have thoroughly enjoyed staying connected to people in all the seasons of my life. It had always just been a fun sidebar to life, until this past summer. Last July my father fell and broke his vertebrae. During the initial fall and the life-threatening reality of his injury, we began a FB page for prayer and keeping people in the loop. My dad was a well known minister in the Nazarene denomination and many people were concerned for him and my family’s well being. Over a thousand people joined the page. Many offered hotel stay for my mom, monetary gifts for food, and even communicated they were in the area and wanted to stop by. When the unthinkable occurred and my dad passed away just 7 days later; a gofundme account was created to help my mom, my siblings and all our children make the 2000 mile trek to Colorado, to my dad’s home town of Delta, to bury him. The morning following his death, family from near and far came to support us in our overwhelming grief. I remember distinctly that we didn’t have to spend a minute catching up with small talk or explain how it happened. We were able to talk and be in the present. It was beautiful and allowed us to truly be together.

3 years ago I joined a movement that a college friend started called, 30 Days of Real. For 30 days we were challenged to be authentic on Facebook or Instagram and hash tag our posts, #30daysofreal. For those 30 days my posts were as trite as “I hate homework more than my kids do.” to sharing openly about my struggle with rage. During that time people did not move away from me but drew towards me. From the mom in the PTA who saw me every day but never talked to me, to the fellow parent on the swim team, to having much more authentic friendships in my daily life. People were getting to know the real me and seeing things they struggled with themselves. They would cheer me on when I was feeling down and laugh at the craziness of life while raising 3 young children. It was an absolutely incredible and fulfilling experience. So much so, that I always strive to be positive and real in my posts to this day.

I guess you could say I am tired of people bashing social media or being made to feel guilty for being on it. Raise your hand if you give it up for lent every year. It’s hard when we see the crazies out there making a mess of it. I try to look at it and use it in a positive way and I encourage you to do the same. Even when it comes to my kids, I use it as a way to connect with them. Right now, my daughters are SnapChatting their trip to N.Y.C. and I get to follow along. I do understand in seasons of social unrest or the election, it can get a little crazy and make us all feel uncomfortable. Yet, each one of us can be the example on how to have a civilized conversation about hot topics. I was involved in one the other day and all parties walked away with a different perspective and didn’t lose respect for one another. Let’s put it this way, it’s a lot like many other vices. Too much is not good for you and someone is always going to find a negative use for it. As for me, I’m going to try and use it for good and rejoice that this social butterfly has a place to land.

Negativity. It’s my life sucker

31 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by Kelly Miller in Authentic Living

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authentic living, authenticity, facebook, facebook feed, family, friends, guilt, homelife, kids, marriage, mom, negativity, overwhelmed, parenting, positive, positivity, social media, strength finder, strengths, vulnerability

I despise negativity. I really do. I try not to watch movies with a negative storyline or listen to music filled with negative lyrics. I hide chronically negative people from my facebook feed. I just don’t have patience for negative people. On the contrary I love positive and beautiful things. Such as feel-good movies or songs that inspire and make me happy. Have you heard “Shut up and Dance”? Best song ever for putting me in a good mood. I have a reminder plaque in my bedroom that says, “Begin each day with a grateful heart.” I cognitively try to fill my life with beauty and goodness.

Anyone who knows me knows I live life loud. I love people, I’m a social media addict and an over sharer. Some people can’t handle me. Some people, like my sister, can only handle me in doses. I use to feel guilty about this. I would ask myself upon leaving social gatherings, “Oh my gosh, why can’t you learn to be more quiet?” “Why do you get so excited? You need to chill.” I learned a few years back that according to a personality test I took through Gallup Industries called The Strength Finder’s test, that Positivity is one of my top 5 personality strengths. When it comes to family, friends, acquaintances, and social media I strive to be a positive force. I love sharing photos of my successful dinners. I’m not trying to say, “Na na na na na, you can’t cook like me,” but to say, “Look at this yummy dish I made and you can make it too!” I love to share where I went to dinner, not to say, “Look how often me and my husband go out to eat,” but to share this exciting place we tried and you should try it too. With my family and friends I am always wanting to help organize gatherings and find ways to be with them and show them how much I love them. However, recently it came to my attention that as positive as I seem to be, I am not very consistent within the walls of my home.

A few weeks ago I was sincerely overwhelmed by my daughter and son’s theatre schedule. If you do not know, I have 3 kids; a 14 year old thespian, a 13 year old year-round swimmer and an 11 year old little leaguer who played the cutest cowboy in a community production of Oklahoma. I had simultaneously signed up my eldest and youngest for 2 different plays and their schedule was running my husband and I ragged. My husband came home on a Thursday night from work to find that I had ordered a pizza. We don’t usually order pizza on a Thursday, we always save that for Friday or Saturday during Family Movie night. I had to squeeze in an extra piano lesson since my daughter would be missing 2 out of 4 lessons in the month of March and it landed on the night of our son’s performance. My husband unassumingly said, “Oh, you got pizza. Is that Pizza Hut? How is it?” “I replied snootily, “It’s good. At least we think it is. You won’t like it. It has too much crust.” The next thing I know we are in a bit of a tiff and my husband’s final words were, “I deal with negativity all day long, I can’t come home to it.” I quickly apologized and explained that I was feeling overwhelmed with all I had to do. We hugged it out and moved on. I realized in that moment that at home I am not always the bubbly, positive person that I am to friends and social media. At home I am the whip cracker to my children. I am constantly berating them if they’re rooms aren’t clean, if they left a mess in the kitchen after breakfast or if they’re not ready on time. To my husband I tend to vent all of the bad in my day without considering he’s maybe heard enough “bad” for one day.

After that short, but very profound argument I realized that here in my own home I could vent all my woes and then turn around and crack a smile to the world. Maybe it’s because I feel safe or because I know my husband is one of the most patient people I know. I began to consider that the same positive energy I put into friends, social media and many times complete strangers needs to be invested in my family. There’s nothing wrong with venting about a tough day or making sure my kids follow through with chores and respect our home. Yet I can find ways to be more positive with them. If I were a facebook feed I would have turned myself off a long time ago.

So my question to myself and to you, my reader is, am I a positive force in my home? How can I ensure that the sweet tone I use outside of my home is used inside my home?

For starters I can start by eliminating guilt. That argument over pizza really started because I was feeling guilty for having pizza on a night I would normally cook. I thought Jon was judging me and my decisions. He of course was not and would totally understand that I can’t prepare dinner if I haven’t been home ALL DAY LONG. Another way I can be better at exuding kindness and positivity, is grace. I can give my kids grace if they left the milk on the counter because our morning had been rushed or that they’re rooms are cluttered because we’ve been getting home at 9 pm. I can give myself grace when life isn’t going as planned and know that daily I always try to do what is best for my family and myself. The chores will get done and life will go on. As for my social media habits I will try and be better at portraying my intentions when I post my yummy dinner creations or exciting restaurant finds. Until then, I pray my family and friends always know my heart and no one turns me off their facebook feed.