Recently, I experienced a full-circle moment that has stayed with me. Just a few weeks ago, my eldest daughter, Klarissa, graduated from her dream college, Point Loma Nazarene University (PLNU). Located in sunny San Diego, just 25 miles from our home, PLNU is a private, faith-based institution that holds great significance for our family.

When Klarissa was in 7th grade, she excitedly proclaimed her hope of attending PLNU. This dream was deeply meaningful, as my dad, Larry, attended PLNU on a track scholarship, recruited by my mom’s brothers who also went there. After graduating, my dad became a Nazarene minister and spent his life encouraging the youth in his church to attend his alma mater. All four of his children attended PLNU with 3 out of the 4 meeting their spouse there. My husband, Jon, also attended PLNU in anticipation of my attendance.

When Klarissa announced her plans, it caught us off guard. Jon was bitter about the debt from his degree, and tuition had more than doubled since the early 2000s. For me, it stirred pangs of regret, as I never finished college. I vividly remembered my 21-year-old self sitting on a sidewalk stoop, my heart sinking as I read a letter from PLNU.

It was the summer of my Junior year, and we were coming up on our first wedding anniversary. The campus was quiet as all the students had gone home. We lived on campus thanks to the university’s marital housing that allowed married students to live there year-round. Sitting on the curb with the San Diego sun shining down on me, I opened an official envelope from the Records office with some trepidation. The letter stated, in so many words, that I wasn’t allowed to return in the fall due to failing grades. I wasn’t totally surprised, but a rush of shame swept over me anyway. I had no “why” to be there except that our student status allowed me and Jon affordable student housing. 

I had never wanted to attend college. I had dreamt of being a cosmetologist, but my parents insisted college followed high school. Neither of our parents was in the place to help us financially, so despite the letter, it was an easy decision for me to quit school and get a job to support Jon in his business/computer software degree. This proved to be the right move because he was able to acquire a job with a start-up company called Innfinity Hospitality Solutions before he even graduated. 10 years later, he became part owner. 

Once we made that decision, I began working full-time in the salon industry as a salon coordinator allowing this trend-obsessed girl to get her hair done for free and make a wage that gave us the ability to purchase a new car and pay for Jon’s school and rent. We lived meagerly, but we had all we needed. However, within a few months of starting my position, we learned I was pregnant with our first child. We were ecstatic and terrified. 

We lived meagerly, but we had all we needed.

Jon would enter his senior year of college with the anticipation of becoming a dad. Jon worked hard: going to work at 5:30 am and putting in his intern hours with the small start-up. From 8:30 am to 2:30 pm, he would attend classes, then quickly jump on his motorcycle and ride a short 10 minutes to work a hotel desk shift on Shelter Island. He would study during slow moments at the front desk, and I would read his literature assignments – summarizing the plot just before class, so he could pass his lit quizzes. 

I went into labor with Klarissa on a Friday morning in 2001 while Jon was in class. The contractions began to “get real” at about 9 am. One of our closest college buddy’s dad was the head of security, and he told us that when I went into labor to “call him” – that he would personally get Jon out of class. (This is before cell phones mind you.) I called Archie in Public Safety, and he hopped in his vehicle to Bony Hall where Jon was blissfully unaware in Statistics class that his wife was in the beginning stages of labor. Archie tapped Jon on the shoulder and said, “It’s time!” I don’t recall the moment Jon walked in the door, but I do know that I had been laboring for over an hour and had been able to take a shower, get myself dressed, and pack for the hospital. Almost exactly 12 hours later, our beautiful baby girl was in our arms weighing a hefty 8 lbs 8 oz. 

Suddenly, we blinked, and there we were, standing in the kitchen with our middle schooler already contemplating college. When we decided to have kids (which happened much faster than we anticipated), we knew that one of us would stay home with them. Obviously, with how the college scene went, that person was me. I worked part-time while taking care of Klarissa, and we were able to stay in student housing for 2 more years. Four months after Klarissa was born, we conceived our 2nd child. Again, we were ecstatic but a bit terrified since we did not anticipate this so soon. A friend offered to help care for Klarissa, so I could work full-time again to bring in extra money. Just two weeks into my full-time status, the salon I had worked at for 2 years abruptly closed. The entire San Diego chain went bankrupt and left hundreds of stylists out of a job. 

Suddenly, we blinked, and there we were, standing in the kitchen with our middle schooler already contemplating college.

That tragedy turned into an opportunity because I could gather unemployment with my full-time status. Two months after the salon closed, we were due to have our second daughter, Kaiya. My doctor informed me that I was eligible to receive maternity leave for 8 weeks. It was an answer to prayer as we continued to navigate this adult life as young new parents. In the spring of 2002, the days were full of joy since we brought 9lb 6oz Kaiya into the world. She was afraid of new people and wouldn’t let me put her down for a second during the first 3 months of her life. I had to learn how to vacuum with Kaiya in a sling and Klarissa on my hip since it frightened them both. I am glad to report that they are not so skittish about people or the vacuum anymore.

In our humanness, we thought we would take a two-year break from having kids and have two more down the road. However, we managed to get pregnant again just 10 months later. (Yes, we know how this works, and yes, we did use contraception.) Our son was conceived two months before Kaiya’s first birthday. My body didn’t even know what not being pregnant felt like anymore. By this time, we had moved east from San Diego proper into a two-bedroom apartment and honestly asked ourselves, “Where are we going to put it?” Despite our fear and worry, we welcomed a sweet, 7lb 11oz, bouncing baby boy in December 2003. Our son, Jackson, is funny and smart and, as an infant, was a perfect mix of his sisters. He was truly the perfect end cap for our little family. 

We raised our kids on a “shoestring budget” in a home that loved Jesus and served our small church community faithfully. We made it possible for me to stay home for 14 years by owning one vehicle for seven of those years, carpooling my husband to work, and enrolling the kids in a school near his office. To save on gas, I would pack snacks and homework supplies so that we could go to the park or library and stay until “Daddy” got off work. In the summer, Jon would take the car unless we had plans for the beach or pool, and in these instances, he would carpool with a co-worker. I did multi-level marketing businesses for play money and “Oh crap the car needs tires!” money. 

Over the years, Jon began to earn more, and I took on more side gigs to make ends meet. We prayed sincerely for God to allow us the opportunity to own property, and eight years into our marriage, the timing came for us to own a condominium in El Cajon, a suburb of San Diego County. Again, there were scary and hard days as we found ways to cut back on frivolous expenses like cable and eating out to pay a mortgage. We purchased in the downslope of the market height, but sadly just before the major 2008 crash. Despite the unforeseen challenges, our new home felt like a castle!! 

It was a 3-bedroom condo on the top floor with a south-facing balcony, which we learned quickly is ideal in the 108-degree summers. Even though the girls shared a room, it felt huge not having their little brother’s crib and toys in there. Jackson, at 4 years old, had known nothing but sharing a room with his sisters. He was excited to decorate his room with Thomas the Train, but even that couldn’t keep him from climbing into bed with a family member, namely his sister Klarissa, early in the morning. Once we got him a “big-boy bed”, his habit of sleeping in other people’s rooms soon subsided.

I thrived as a stay-at-home mom, taking the kids to school, teaching a women’s bible study, working out at our local gym, and being a classroom mom throughout their elementary years. Jon traveled extensively for work in those days. During his traveling stints, the kids and I would pack up and go to Grandma’s house in Palm Springs to keep me from losing my marbles. It was a trying season but full of love, visits to grandma’s house, trips to the zoo, and lots of little snuggles at bedtime.  It was a chaotic season filled with baseball games, birthday parties, theater rehearsals, Sundays at church, and daily swim practice. However chaotic, it was a sweet time as a family. 

Clockwise left to right: Ice-Skating for Jackson’s 6th birthday; a pic of kids at 6 months, 2 years, and 3 years old; Easter in 2010

A few months after Klarissa decided her college plans involved attending a private institution that costs over $60,000 per year, my husband started paying attention to ways to make college for her a reality. We had many friends who had attended the same school and many who worked for this institution. We had heard rumors that kids of staff and faculty could receive free tuition! One morning at a friend’s brunch, a few of the ladies in attendance were wives of current staff members. I asked one of them if the “tuition remission” was true. She said, “Oh yes, however, the tuition discount is now 95% and your kid has to get in on their merit.” As soon as I returned home I told Jon. 

We began to research jobs offered and while I applied to ones that pertained to me, all I could think about was the 21-year-old girl on the side of a curb and the words, “You are not allowed back here.” How on earth could I get a job at the same school I didn’t even finish? Who would hire a stay-at-home mom who had zero administration skills? I mean, I could “sell ice to an Eskimo” as my sister would say, but a desk job? No, not me. I began applying to jobs that I believed I had no right to apply for and would hear nothing back. All I could hear was my self-doubt practically yelling at this point, “This is futile Kelly. You don’t have a degree, you can’t type, and if they knew your college GPA, they would laugh you right out of there!” 

From the time I learned of PLNU’s tuition remission, we had been seeking for me to return to the workforce. It felt like the time was right since our eldest was entering high school in the coming fall. The director of a preschool affiliated with our home church reached out and offered me a job in the infant room. I was unsure about leaving my stay-at-home life, but it was time for me to get back into the arena of working full-time and babies… I knew. I had two years of Child Development classes under my belt, CPR certification, and 14 years of mothering on my resume. This! This made sense. I put PLNU aside and put my energy into those sweet babies.

Continue to Part 2 and find out what the arrows are and where they lead us?